In three days all of my problems could have been solved.
A position at the library opened up on June 1st. I applied for it that day. For twelve days I twiddled my thumbs until at last my boss scheduled my interview on Thursday, June 15th at 2:00 pm.
Currently I’m a Clerk in the Human Resources department. I wanted an Administrative Clerk position. The difference? Almost $10,000 in salary.
$10,000. With that extra money, I could probably wipe out my student loans by the end of next year. I could comfortably attend grad school and not worry about textbooks or tuition derailing my month to month expenses. I could focus on my school and writing. I could comfortably move out with my boyfriend.
I was told over and over by my interviewers and both of my bosses that I did great in the interview and they were all impressed with me. But I didn’t have enough experience.
Five years the job posting asked for. I’ve been working as a receptionist/clerk for three years between my part-time and full-time job.
That’s the worst part. If I just had two more years experience I would have gotten the job for sure. I know it.
So, how do I move on? How do I let this sit comfortably knowing I’ll be short on income in July and struggling through school. How do I fight the jealousy towards my coworker who will start in three days? How do I get over it?
Writing helps. After I found out last week that I didn’t get the position I cried for a good minute. I cried and then I told myself all of the reasons this is the best thing to happen to me.
1.) I don’t have to worry about trying to learn a new work routine while also juggling my first semester of graduate school.
2.) I’m kind of doing two jobs right now: working in my department and the training department. In three days I’ll only have to do my job which means more mental and emotional energy coming back to me.
3.) I’ll have more time to focus and dedicate toward my writing.
4.) In either August or September I will query my top agents.
5.) I’ve missed what I thought were great opportunities in the past and something better has always come along a few months to a year later.
6.) Being uncomfortable will force me to work my butt off to make my writing career come to life.
7.) In a year and a half or less I could be a librarian making more money than the position I applied for.
8.) I have a deadline. There are two time-stamps on my desk. They both go until December 31st, 2018. I’ve decided this is my deadline to get out of my current position. This is my deadline to finish my degree, to get published, to change some aspect of my reality.
So, with that knowledge in mind I’m going to quietly get over myself. I’m going to bury myself in my personal projects every chance I get. I’m going to enjoy this summer and get pumped about school. I’m going to be happy for my coworker.
Once upon a time I mentally told myself and told my Tumblr that I wanted and was excited to struggle. While I did struggle in school it was nothing compared to what I knew was coming once college was over. Since then, I’ve learned that there is no growth in comfort. So, from this upcoming uncomfortable time I’m hoping to see some growth. It may not come in the way I want, but hopefully it will lead to what I want.
Eventually the end game is to be uncomfortable doing what I love. For example, having to get over my fear of public speaking at a book panel or signing. Or having to meet deadlines again with my writing like in college but instead of my professor it’ll be my agent/editor.
Hopefully, one day I can make that dream a reality.
So, I’m speaking it to the universe now. By the end of 2018 something will have changed for me!